Better Than The Last Time

Sitting in the passenger seat, I looked over at him and smiled. The sun seemed to be resting happily on his shoulder. He kept one hand steady on the steering wheel and stretched the other out to me. I closed my eyes as he lifted the back of my hand to his lips and planted a gentle kiss. Life sure had a funny way of coming full circle…

A loud buzzing rang out and filled the room, startling me from my sleep. I reached over and quickly turned off the alarm then looked over my shoulder to see if my husband was awake. He was still resting peacefully, eyes closed tight. I decided to take a moment to reflect.

Today was the day. The first day of summer leave. We had waited so long for this vacation. It almost didn’t come. I still remember the day I received the email. It came from my husband’s company. These days, the emails that came could have literally been anything. For a moment after my phone vibrated, I just stared at it. One new message. What could it possibly be? The entire world seemed to be in both a fragile and hostile state. The perfect recipe for disaster. Regardless of how nervous I was, I knew it was going to be information that I needed. I swiped down from my notification bar and my eyes instantly grew wide.

‘Great news!! The travel ban has been lifted and we have official dates for summer leave.’ I teared up as I read it over and over. ‘Please check with your paratrooper for further details.’ I sent my husband a screenshot of the email and he replied back with about a million smiley faces and exclamation points. This is what life had become. Celebrating the smallest of things. Every positive was a victory. We were definitely grateful. I couldn’t wait to start planning!

‘You awake baby?’ He pulled me from my thoughts. When had he climbed out of bed? Did I fall back asleep? Last night had been a restless one for me. I was so excited that it seemed like sleep never came. It was like the night before the first day of school when your outfit is already picked out and you can’t wait to see your friends. ‘I’m awake!’ I jumped out of bed and right into his arms. The adrenaline rush had set in. It was time to start our vacation!!

The next two hours were a whirlwind of showers, breakfast and packing up the car. Finally, the time came to get on the road.

I picked up our puppy, Noelle, with one hand and slid my purse over my shoulder with the other as I stepped outside. The sound of the door locking behind us made me let out a little giggle. I instantly felt silly. He must have noticed. He flashed me a smile as he slid the keys into his pocket and let out a chuckle of his own that was clearly meant to match mine. It didn’t seem so silly after all. He reached for Noelle and she dove into his arms, leaving me with free hands as we made our way down the steps. The three of us piled into the car and we would soon be on our way.

I looked around at the bags surrounding us. The last time we were all in the car like this, we were headed home to prepare for my husband’s rapid departure overseas. I glanced over at him as he slid on his sunglasses. I called him Mr. Smooth whenever he wore them. He cracked his knuckles and put the car into drive.

I looked down at Noelle, she had already cuddled up to her favorite toy and was setting her sights on a good nap. Everything felt normal. It felt perfect.

My husband passed me the aux cord as the sunshine hit my face. It felt SO good. We were on the road again! But this time was different. This was better than the last time.

A Time For Healing

It was my first time returning to the beach. The last time I was here, I had my husband at my side. Hand in hand. Heart in Heart. Now I stood alone before the wide open sea. The water beckoned for me, pulling me from my thoughts. The time for healing was now...

I stepped into the ocean and allowed it to envelope me. The blue green water was clear like crystals and just as sparkly. Where had I seen this green before? It took only a moment for me to realize. His eyes! The water was green like his eyes! Clear. Welcoming. Honest. Instantly, I felt his presence. I closed mine and smiled, standing right there at the edge of the sea. Time had made me resilient. Prayer had made me stronger. My support system had made me confident.

The air was so fresh. It was almost as if the atmosphere was different. I inhaled deeply. Each breath I took seemed to make me feel more liberated. I walked along the edge where the sea met the sand. Funny how it always stopped just in time. Life could be that way. Never quite bringing more than you can handle. Coming so close that for a moment you think it might overwhelm you, then it backs away.

In the beginning, I had allowed myself a period of time for sadness. A natural emotion to be expressed. Regardless of how anyone else felt I should be acting, I knew it was important to be myself. Yes, I missed my husband. The man that I spent countless hours and days with. The man that I loved so dearly. The man that made me feel as though I could do anything. To have that suddenly ripped away from me, regardless of the fact that it would not be permanent, was destined to cause some emotions. We didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. Of course I was sad.

That was in the beginning. Now, I was ready to heal. What better place than the wide open sea? The place where everything had started? I had always felt so free at the beach. The sun was shining bright in the sky. Children were laughing and splashing in the water nearby. I almost didn’t realize that I was still standing there smiling. Things were looking up.

I had spoken to my husband. I had developed a strong routine. I had visited with family and gotten enough support to last a lifetime. I had leaned on my faith and left the rest to GOD. The initial shock had passed. I wanted to be strong for him, for me. I needed to. I looked back at the ocean and smiled. I was ready to tell my story.