It was my first time returning to the beach. The last time I was here, I had my husband at my side. Hand in hand. Heart in Heart. Now I stood alone before the wide open sea. The water beckoned for me, pulling me from my thoughts. The time for healing was now...
I stepped into the ocean and allowed it to envelope me. The blue green water was clear like crystals and just as sparkly. Where had I seen this green before? It took only a moment for me to realize. His eyes! The water was green like his eyes! Clear. Welcoming. Honest. Instantly, I felt his presence. I closed mine and smiled, standing right there at the edge of the sea. Time had made me resilient. Prayer had made me stronger. My support system had made me confident.
The air was so fresh. It was almost as if the atmosphere was different. I inhaled deeply. Each breath I took seemed to make me feel more liberated. I walked along the edge where the sea met the sand. Funny how it always stopped just in time. Life could be that way. Never quite bringing more than you can handle. Coming so close that for a moment you think it might overwhelm you, then it backs away.
In the beginning, I had allowed myself a period of time for sadness. A natural emotion to be expressed. Regardless of how anyone else felt I should be acting, I knew it was important to be myself. Yes, I missed my husband. The man that I spent countless hours and days with. The man that I loved so dearly. The man that made me feel as though I could do anything. To have that suddenly ripped away from me, regardless of the fact that it would not be permanent, was destined to cause some emotions. We didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. Of course I was sad.
That was in the beginning. Now, I was ready to heal. What better place than the wide open sea? The place where everything had started? I had always felt so free at the beach. The sun was shining bright in the sky. Children were laughing and splashing in the water nearby. I almost didn’t realize that I was still standing there smiling. Things were looking up.
I had spoken to my husband. I had developed a strong routine. I had visited with family and gotten enough support to last a lifetime. I had leaned on my faith and left the rest to GOD. The initial shock had passed. I wanted to be strong for him, for me. I needed to. I looked back at the ocean and smiled. I was ready to tell my story.
SierraSweetheart 